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最終更新日 : 2012/01/29 (Sun) 09:44
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Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI?!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
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If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels?!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
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I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
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The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
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I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
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Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels?!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
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If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
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We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
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I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Many a man\'s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
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You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is!
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Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
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No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
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We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
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They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
After every \'victory\' you have more enemies.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
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A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive?
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
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We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that\'s how dogs spend their lives.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
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Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time
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A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
I\'ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn\'t it.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 15:58
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